I was sitting at my favorite café in the city, alone, all alone today; I just couldn’t bear the burden of giving fake smiles to people anymore. I was deep in my thoughts, as it would be at most of the times, a wanderer of the self as I may describe myself; but today something was different, it was not the normal way things used to be, I never had issues giving smiles to people, and whenever I had, I would find my own little cocoon and just avoid eye contact, today everything was different. The winds, trees, birds and poles nothing was talking to me today, it seemed as if there never was any communication; it seemed as if all was in my head, the only thing I could feel today was the void which was surrounding me from outside and from deep inside. It was from my side, but I knew this was how it was supposed to happen, I never understood her and nobody understood me… maybe it was the way it was supposed to happen.
Athul haaaaaaaai…A noise from behind suddenly shattered the pregnancy of the silence deep inside me, even though I was sealed inside a cold glass chamber and trying to block my mind from her it was a nice feeling to be alive again, suddenly a stroke of thoughts ran by, it was as like my consciousness was trying to torture me again and again by bringing back memories. I looked from where my name came from, it was yet an another café colleague saying his usual hai to everybody… so a hai back and a sweet smile was supposed to be the deal, I did say the hai but the usual smile was dead from my side as if its caught in some Tamil speaking goddamn place..
Suddenly I started thinking about my surroundings, as usual I was sitting in some weird manner that people may consider crazy but comfortable for me.. And then from my cold glass prison which I’ve built for myself I looked outside, it was drizzling and as like in a super romantic movie scene there was dew in the glass, on a normal occasion I would have become romantic and would have said what all comes to my mind to any girl I would have wanted to talk at that point of time, but It wasn’t happening anymore, maybe my glass chamber was playing tricks on me…
The rain started to pour heavily, I’ve noticed that whenever I feel sad the rains are there to accompany me; always, like a true friend.. I’ve always felt this bond with rains and the moon, that must be the reason why they come in whatever I try to make or whenever I am sad....the rains where here after a long time to see this old friend and I knew the reason and a brisk smile ran through my lips, I knew why the rains where here, suddenly I saw a small drop slowly flowing outside the cold misty glass chamber, it was as if it was carrying pain and was taking more and more from the way it passed through, the rains where not here to cheer me up…
It was agony of the rains
It was the agony in me…..
