The chords of Karma.

The winds were enough to shake his legs and yet he stood still; the destruction of Kallinga was his dream, a unified India under the Magadha empire, it was not just his but the dream of his fathers and forefathers, but in this late hour, after this great war; may be the greatest the world has ever seen till that day he was questioning himself, his acts, his words and his existence; he had learned violence as an act only destroys the less equipped and not the righteous, and violence after over powering the less equipped stays as fear which would remain for decades or for centuries ; and like a circle, this fear in time evokes as violence again, strange chords connecting stranger things. The succeedor in an act of violence will always be the one more thoughtful in it. The chords of Karma were becoming clearer to him. Ashoka the new ruler of Bharatha: stood there on that battle field stunned, shaken and drenched in pain.

He learnt that violence only propagates hatred, he gazed at his sword; he checked it over and over , on both sides he didn’t see the victory but he saw pain; pain of numerous women and children who lost their everything in battle, he felt low, he wished if he could reverse this act and bring back everything as it was; he was willing to gave his mind and soul for it but he was helpless; the ruler of Magadha, the biggest empire in the world stood helpless with his sword; a sword handed over to him by his father; for victory, for success and for glory; a father giving his son an element, a symbol of violence; was it for this day? A million questions arised, but it was clarity that was running through his mind, it all seemed like a trance and all of a sudden he threw element of destruction and anger with all his might, he was relieved and went down on his knees to only stand up again and rise to become Ashoka, the first true ruler of Bharatha:

Decades, centuries and ages passed.

Somewhere in Gujarat-

All hail lord Raam, the mariyada Purushottam, Jananis pride and sorrow; the greatest of Kshatriyas, more god than human. In his name we will sacrifice and regain what is ours, we have the men, we have the weapons and we have the will; we are more and they are less, we are right and they are wrong. Revolution requires blood and we are ready to give and take, it’s a holy war and the uprising of a lot; we require a leader not to fight with us but for our conscience, we need an intellect not to fight with us but for our conscience. Are you there? Are you there? Jai Shree Raam…

A war, a holy war for God, for the mariyatha purishottam, for Janani’s pride and her sorrow…Yes. I am..

It didn’t take much swift of a time before the evitable happened…

Even the wind was enough to shake his legs and yet he stood still. He had the grays to understand it all, he knew the evitable that was about to come, but he ignored, he was blinded by Janani’s pride but forgot to see her sorrows. Her sorrows remained as it was and today she had lost her sons and daughters again. Blood, bones and flesh were all out on the streets, the cattle were misguided by the shepherd and the circles of Karma had its part to play. But why him, why a blind against blinds? Maybe it’s the way the universe works, maybe somewhere unable to contemplate there lies Karma attached to everything within the finer strands of dimensions.

Now he knew he was wrong, he wasn’t the right kind of shepherd, he knew now that an act of violence only propagates hatred; the teachings of his great forefathers and of this country was clear to him, but the conscience of guilt was to be cleared, he wasn’t going to be crucified for this; he needed a second chance to prove himself, and this time he wasn’t going to do anything forgetting Janani’s sorrows. Her sorrows where clear to him, he had help her children make them understand, he wasn’t just a chief minister or the spokesperson of a political party anymore, he had clear conscience in him, he had grown up to his age and then miracles happened in his land and such miracles happened that his land out run every possible growth indices known to man and all this because he grew from where he was, growth is not a process to be stopped if your mind is a barrier understand it and move on, Janani needs her tears heard and you are her pride and sorrow now.

Towards an ethical society…

The world is changing fast and with boundaries shortening and with a new age dawning isn’t it needed to atleast consider thinking about alternative ideologies, philosophies and convictions to come in?

The world, the nation, the state is in equilibrium; at ease, and everything works good cause it is written down what all things shouldn’t be done, the irony being you may only know the consequence of breaking a law only after u break it, you broke something that you didn’t know and which might affect the running of things, or the moral state of a society. Tit for tat and tat for tit? Is this what an ideal society should follow? After all what is law? Isn’t it fear?

A law might be a bad destiny for a person and fearing that he might abide…but on what is he abiding it for? Isn’t it because of fear? Isn’t there a more better and ethical policy that could be used?

Isn’t this a system that has been around for thousands of years, shouldn’t it be considered a barbaric way of treating a citizen, giving away fear so that he might not commit a mistake. What I am talking may not be appropriate for a lot of cases or in some of cases but that lot or some exists as a nuisance in the society. Imparting fear to function anything should be considered inappropriate in this age of knowledge. Why can’t a sense of pride be developed in everybody so that a ethical society be formed? There is a simple but huge difference between ethics and law, ethics is your responsibility whereas law is somebody else’s. So what should a society aim for? An ethical citizen who is not abiding anything or an unethical creature who follows just for the sake of it... So if you think about it for a minute you will understand that fear is the motivating factor for not commiting a crime. Why isn't it a moral obligation?

The peeking sun, balloons and other stories…

Yea this story is about a million other stories that will happen, or are supposed to happen, small, big and large; stories now dreams later or dreams now and stories later… But unlike other stories this only happened an hour back…

This story is about the peeking sun, the tied balloons and a dream that is holding everything together…

In the far corner of the road she was standing in a typical pinkish dress, a blue tinted dream with shaggy blurred corners... the green off road was reflecting the blue light somehow and beside that Matte finished olive green meadow she stood; her eyes not moving, legs unshaken in the cold winds, mist slowly grabbing her with cold, her arms missing out the opportunity to hug herself; sheepishly she was holding onto those balloons....she managed to walk...Slowly…

The clouds were drifting apart and the sky was clearing and slowly the sun was coming to my way with her. The balloons where in a rush and those lips smiled with those cute braces, the cold, cold was moving away with a lot of worries...

I had a camera in my hand, thought of clicking her…but felt a bit possessive, I didn’t want this dream to be captured, but how can I ever remember her without a picture? Everything at that moment depended upon me, should I take a picture or should I leave…I could see the sun peeking out from the balloons and she was the dream holding everything together and with her I might could have started a million stories, but it was dream and a dream always had to end, but as a memory, a sweet one I took the balloons and the peeking sun; and with that photo a lot of memories stood there, memories, dreams, fantasies…

Violet poppins.....

Red, blue, purple, green and violet, violet, violet...….the colours have amused me a lot...

Was simply walking through that road which I have walked a thousand times, small dhabeela type street shops reminded me of the galis in delhi but the tarpaulins were replaced with coconut fronds….thought about it for a minute..Our ancestors would have been some cool pan chewing eco friendly dudes to use coconut fronds as a building material, felt proud for a second, that dude was a genius to come up with such an idea…but the amazing fact is people still relate to it; atleast I was…..

So as I passed by I thought of looking at the jars just out of curiosity…and suddenly I felt a nostalgia pass by, on that clutter of peanut candies, cracking Murukku and delicious matrix achappams there where slapdashish POPPINS inside a glass bottle..A thousand vague memoirs ran in my mind and I ran, jumped, screamed, howled and laughed crazily on my long lost past, I thought I was wearing that old trousers from school days, aaaaaah the world was so airy then, felt a little uncomfortable with my jeans….

I wanted it and I wanted the violet one more dearly, but what would it cost? what would a POPPINS cost?? what would a dream cost….I could have dreamt about travelling in a limo , dreamt about buying the island America, I could have even dreamt about setting off to moon or world peace but right at that moment I was dreaming POPPINS…..sweet crystals that once mesmerized me…

I asked the old dude sitting on the shop for a POPPINS; the guy was just baffled to see me asking that; felt awkward for a moment, can’t blame him, when on your senses will you expect a tall huge guy with a stoned look come and ask for POPPINS…It took a while for the guy to close his mouth; smiling inside and showing all the seriousness of his age he asked “how many?” that was a question I wasn’t expecting, I was just thinking about buying one ..but this question of how many opened up a thousand possibilities…will one be enough or should I buy more? Should I be buying enough for a week? How many violet ones will I get if I buy for 20? How much does a POPPINS cost? how many will be in one POPPINS? The decision was hard to take and the smile inside the dude was coming on his face, even I laughed vaguely, by this time he would have judged me & tailored a story about me. But it was poppins and his laugh was a sweet one. I pictured a better story than he has for me…the vague smile from my side again….and with all the courage I asked for one POPPINS. Thy shouldn’t be greedy, was this on the ten commandments? Tried remembering the scene from the movie…no idea…

The dude said “two bucks” and this time I was baffled, just two bucks? I asked..Okay then give me poppins for ten, I was asking with such a pride that the guy almost broke into laughter but he controlled; I was ashamed, why is this guy laughing haven’t he seen huge men asking poppins? Silly guy….he should get more life experiences and learn not to laugh on people who want poppins in their lives… And at last five packets of poppins on my hand, I was feeling greedy…popping one poppins was just the thing that I could think of, but not here, not in front of this evil monster who wants to see me pop one poppins so that he can laugh later, I knew his evil plan from the very beginning and like Sherlock Holmes with the satisfaction of understanding this guys evil plan I walked in slow motion from that shop; well at least it was like that in my mind. The temptation was too much, and didn’t thought about it much…Opened the newly added plastic cover, the old was hiding inside it, the old paper packed poppins…opened the paper pack but this time with more enthusiasm…the first beauty I saw was the violet one, my precioussss………………..my dream… and that brief moment I was happy…I was travelling in a limo, I just bought the Island America, I went to the moon and came back and there was world peace…and all this because of a poppins..a small violet poppins….

Goodbye chats......

Other than some unspecific random thoughts there was nothing else in my mind…..it was the usual. Drizzling with soft rock as the background, a hot cup of coffee on the table and Swetha Binu was bored as usual on the other side of the facebook. The smokes where fading away in me and Adele was singing “make you feel my love”, the coffee in front of the monitor was steaming and in the dim light I saw the steam coming up slowly, the white light from the screen and the pitch black background made the picture all the more sexy….the moment seemed a bit cliché but it was priceless….suddenly the chat popped up...was somebody I met yesterday…her smiling face suddenly came to my mind and I smiled, even she might have smiled..

I started typing on the glossy keyboard, it would have been difficult for an acquaintance to search for the alphabets in this dim light but years of chatting experience made my fingers go swiftly on the board, those years where gone when you should have learned typing to get good speed, now chat years decides them...

Her hands would have been running as quickly as mine, the replies where coming faster than I was expecting, coffee; strong yummmmm….the dialogue went from tattooing to a cancerien and Linda Goodman being a common thing, she almost always came handy when chatting…the gratitude to Linda Goodman was broken by her mother, she wanted her to come and have dinner, but she would come I knew and the goodbye chat continued another 15 minutes..Goodbye chats…again had a sip of coffee, coffee; strong yummmmmm…….

The green twinkling dreams of a firefly & me…..

Twinkles …..Green twinkles, on the far side of the room I could see it, a small flying lady just overpowering the monitors light on that part of my cavern, she was pretty; soft green light just spreading slowly, blinking slowly; no she was shimmering or was she burning?....a soft and slow green burning, felt sad for a second, no she is happy…..happily burning?

A cool breeze from the window brought her more close to me, she slowly flew and came sat next to my monitor, maybe she thought that this light was hers…..but even then she didn’t gave up burning….she was shimmering this time bleak and through my sleepless nights she sat and flew ….not with high colours but with green. Slowly with the green burning I watched her, she was something to be watched now, she was again flying, just flying not settling and not standing she flew throughout the night, my sleepless nights…the rains where out…the clouds where heavy…the burst of lightning and thunder was all over, and then it slowly poured and I wished for a million fireflies out there, but only one was close to me, near to my monitor thinking that the light is hers……all hers one time...a time...but the firefly just flew....flew high....

A kiss.......

Upon deviating a lot from your life is when you realize that it takes only a moment to wake up from whatever you have been contemplating or been deviated from. It’s not an idea that changes your life; it’s an eye-opener that changes your life.

For me it came as a sudden shock, I was craving for her lips at that moment, a lot of shit has happened so far but the craving was becoming absolute and the ego obsolete, what was left was a cliché; what everybody thought of love to be, but if love is universal shouldn’t it be a cliché? So it actually rains and dances do happen and bells do ring, but then why was I missing it all? No rains, no winds no clouds and no kiss...

A kiss on a normal situation is like Bourneville; you earn it ;) and it’s not easy for to earn it…but that beautiful moment when you come close and that point where your noses are supposed to touch and you look into her eyes and you find her closed eyes expecting something beautiful and ready to take that moment to the fullest, that ravishing moment when beauty, love and lust combines; but I thought which is more beautiful the kiss or that look, hmmmm that seemed like the most beautiful thought after a really long time. I grabbed her tightly; has she put on weight? Her hips seems to be a bit more heavy than I felt it the last time, she quickly grabbed my neck from behind and now I could feel her going crazy it was as if a thousand butterflies was flying out of her stomach, my situation wasn’t different either; it seemed as if it was not a kiss but ecstasy, you don’t find this feeling often when you kiss but it was not a cliché; it was not a kiss….

and I woke up, it was then that I realized I was dreaming of a dream..But in the end it just passed as a dream..And all I wished was a touch from your lips, a kiss….

Happiness...

Emotions are endless and the people intent on naming them have named some too; despair, sorrow, gratitude, lust, greed . . .lot named and a lot more to be named, Some of them seem to be the same, but somehow they differ a lot, in existence and otherwise. Among all of this endless sea of emotions, happiness is the one for which all of us live for, it’s the essence and meaning of life and what we are.

We all seek happiness in every possible direction; in fact we all are basically destined to seek it. Happiness is in abstract the true essence of life and we search for this in future, past and present, we look for every nook and corner of our lives for this. . . And yes, at times we just stumble upon the happiness given by a friend’s present and sometimes from the smiles we receive, at times from our first salary and sometimes from something given, sometimes a cool breeze can bring you happiness, but yet again the warmth of fire can also bring smiles, for we all seek happiness every day, but have you ever realized that all the while it was with you, near you and even in you? It is there just waiting to burst out . . . into the twinkle in your eyes, the dimples on your cheeks.

And sometimes you just have to let it out, show that you are happy to the rest of the world . . . for happiness when let out, multiplies!! It spreads around; your smile makes others happy just like their smile makes you happy . . . sometimes no matter how old you are, the breeze which touches your face gives you a feeling like you are falling in love again. Show that to the world, to life, that you are never going to stop falling in love with it.

Love new definitions....

Love was once a dream, something that fulfilled our existence…finding the right partner was considered more important than getting into the right career...giving importance to your partner was more important than demanding personal space, sharing was important than gifting…

Girls used to blush a lot and guys feared talking to them…You loved for getting married not to check whether it would work or not…You could die for one another….nothing was more important than your alone time…fights happened a lot almost everything ending in the coziness of each others arms..Love existed and was evident…then times changed, emotions transformed, memories become lost and Love also transformed and then came the new age Love.

Love became more about demanding space and expectations heightened…Love became materialistic and people started becoming afraid of the word…things started becoming more and more complicated and new concepts emerged while the free thinking world came up with concepts like living together the opportunists coined “friends with benefits” and the western world discovered the social dilemma of dating and then things became all the more complicated…. But even in this conflicted world we saw Love in several forms…sometime in a bus stop and in other times we saw people dancing in rains…a lot more happened in our imagination and movies..whatever we did to our self Love was not finished..and this is the story till date…the story of Love will continue, but what ever way it transcends it wont leave us, because we all are destined to Love one day or another, one way or another....

My Experiments with truth - On Love

I woke up to the morning blooms with a jerk, mornings where not the same anymore, the happy sunshine's where transforming into the thorns that steal whatever I have left of my dreams. Eyes closed and consciousness coming to my brain after that hard to achieve sleep was excruciating, this confused feeling of love and sorrow was something new that I was getting used to but its alien feelings that are left after an invasion and the irony is that I am feeling alienated to myself.

Love is a fancy word whose true meaning should be lying somewhere as scriptures in the tomb of Tutankhamun or maybe its something that we will all find it in futures to come, but whatever the name maybe two people have to go through a lot of things to live together if that is what love should achieve. But what is love? a mental state, a level of consciousness, a setup between two people, dope, adjustments? What? Is there a theoretical love & practical love, realistic or fantasy love, selfless of selfish love? Indeed things are complicated.

The Upanishads defines Love on a completely different dimension; a very simple meaning, but now it doesn't come under the category of "practical love" its not worth mentioning here but if you are reading this and you wanna talk higher meanings of things I have enough time to waste on.. :P

Practical Love

A definition would be to say that its all about meeting up expectations, understanding & acting upon that, its like a million agreements signed together and each day more clauses keeps on adding, so if you are someone who thinks a lot, is sentimental, emotional or has issues regarding memorizing things please stay away because every time an implied or said agreement is breached you are in deep shit.

Practical love in a way is all about "Socially accepted loving principles" the acceptance part could be the generation, social hang around's, friends or a fantasy about love itself. So if you are creative or highly artistic or you want your finger print in what ever you do, conventional love is not your thing. Love is such a simple feeling, but we don't like simple things, we keep on adding stuff until it becomes so complicated that it wont work out.

Agony of the rains....

I was sitting at my favorite café in the city, alone, all alone today; I just couldn’t bear the burden of giving fake smiles to people anymore. I was deep in my thoughts, as it would be at most of the times, a wanderer of the self as I may describe myself; but today something was different, it was not the normal way things used to be, I never had issues giving smiles to people, and whenever I had, I would find my own little cocoon and just avoid eye contact, today everything was different. The winds, trees, birds and poles nothing was talking to me today, it seemed as if there never was any communication; it seemed as if all was in my head, the only thing I could feel today was the void which was surrounding me from outside and from deep inside. It was from my side, but I knew this was how it was supposed to happen, I never understood her and nobody understood me… maybe it was the way it was supposed to happen.

Athul haaaaaaaai…A noise from behind suddenly shattered the pregnancy of the silence deep inside me, even though I was sealed inside a cold glass chamber and trying to block my mind from her it was a nice feeling to be alive again, suddenly a stroke of thoughts ran by, it was as like my consciousness was trying to torture me again and again by bringing back memories. I looked from where my name came from, it was yet an another café colleague saying his usual hai to everybody… so a hai back and a sweet smile was supposed to be the deal, I did say the hai but the usual smile was dead from my side as if its caught in some Tamil speaking goddamn place..

Suddenly I started thinking about my surroundings, as usual I was sitting in some weird manner that people may consider crazy but comfortable for me.. And then from my cold glass prison which I’ve built for myself I looked outside, it was drizzling and as like in a super romantic movie scene there was dew in the glass, on a normal occasion I would have become romantic and would have said what all comes to my mind to any girl I would have wanted to talk at that point of time, but It wasn’t happening anymore, maybe my glass chamber was playing tricks on me…

The rain started to pour heavily, I’ve noticed that whenever I feel sad the rains are there to accompany me; always, like a true friend.. I’ve always felt this bond with rains and the moon, that must be the reason why they come in whatever I try to make or whenever I am sad....the rains where here after a long time to see this old friend and I knew the reason and a brisk smile ran through my lips, I knew why the rains where here, suddenly I saw a small drop slowly flowing outside the cold misty glass chamber, it was as if it was carrying pain and was taking more and more from the way it passed through, the rains where not here to cheer me up…
It was agony of the rains
It was the agony in me…..